You Heard It From This Guy (::points two thumbs toward self::)

If you’ve already put a nail in the Bull’s coffin, stop reading right now. Go ahead and click the small ‘X’ in the top right portion of your screen. I do not want to hear your crap about how insane, stupid, and ridiculous I am. So just save us both the trouble and turn around. This article is NOT for doubters and disbelievers; it is for the hopeful and optimistic. That said….

Stay with me here…Last night, after Derrick Rose missed the game winner I knew the game was over. I KNEW we could not beat them in overtime. We had our shot both literally and figuratively. Let’s be honest. That game decided the series. So, as predicted, I sat there angry, sad, bummed, and quite frankly crushed as the final horn sounded. I wanted to shatter my TV, with Lebron James’ face. I then went to bed telling myself the series is over, the season is over, and any chance of coming this close to the NBA finals again is a looooooong ways away. It’s a pretty empty feeling. I have nothing else to hold on to. I refuse to watch the Cubs right now. Baseball just isn’t doing it for me these days. I woke up this morning to the appropriately gloomy day feeling equally as gloomy. I attempted to figure out a way to put a positive spin on this whole thing, as a way to get me through this grieving process. I told myself to be grateful they even got this far. Be thankful for the fun ride, and be hopeful for the future. Yesterday our friend, the Chicago Bulls, were buried, and game 6 is the memorial service. Basically it was just a bunch of crap to try to make myself feel better.

Right then and there I had an epiphany. I don’t want to be thankful for the fun ride. I don’t want to be hopeful for the future. I don’t want to have to convince myself to settle for anything less than winning this series. I want to think about one thing, and one thing only: ripping the still-beating, cold, black hearts right out of the Miami Heat’s chest. What better way to do so than by coming back in this series?! Winning this series will be the one of the greatest moments in my entire sport watching life. With this in mind, I decided I’m going for it. I’m doing something I have NEVER done before. I’m rooting for this series with my heart and not with my head. I am totally investing my everything into this thing. When a team is down 3-1 and I hear people say, “It’s not over.”, “There’s still a chance.”, “You never know.”, and all that other optimistic garbage, I want to take a 7 iron to the back of his or her skull. But today I am one of those people. I don’t think I’m completely off my rocker either. Here’s why…

Did you forget about game 1? Did you forget about the bitch-slap the Bulls handed the Heat in that first game? Did you forget in both game 2 and game 3 the Bulls played absolutely terrible and still were in it until mid-way through the 4th quarter? Did you forget that the Bulls were one single shot away from tying this series up at 2 games apiece and sending this back to Chicago with home court advantage regained? Did you forget WE have the MVP, Coach of the Year, and Stacey King? Well, if you forgot all that you need to get back to your assisted living facility.

We’re not going to lose tomorrow. It’s just not going to happen. The Bulls will not let this phenomenal season kamikaze itself on the court of the United Center. (After game 5, Heat 3 Bulls 2). This is where it gets tricky. The Bulls need to pull off a shocker and steal game 6 in Miami. I haven’t done the research, but I believe Miami is 8 and 0 at home this post season. I don’t see them stretching it to 9 and 0. They’re too due for a loss. Am I reaching in the bag here for an excuse for a win? Maybe. But who cares. You can’t have an epic series without winning an epic game, and this will be the one. (After game 6, Heat 3 Bulls 3) Now here we are, back in Chicago. Game SEVEN! Yes sur! GAME SEVEN!!! The most watched sporting event in the world since whatever Ali fight, or whatever lame Superbowl. We will all be leaving work early. We will all have lots of cold beer. We will all be gathered with whatever friend or family member that has the best television. And then it happens. The dynasty begins. Miami will crack under the pressure of blowing a 3-1 series lead, the Bulls will dominate with all their mighty momentum carrying them forward. Korver will finally hit clutch threes like he did all regular season. Noah will own the boards. Boozer will yell so loud in the microphone rim that it will explode. Scalabrine will be mean-muggin’ the TNT cameraman. Derrick Rose is gonna have 32 points, 12 assist, and 5 rebounds, and the list goes on.

Losing is not even a thought right now. I’m not bracing myself for any type of let down. I’m bracing myself for one of the greatest best of 7 series you could possibly bear witness to.  We WILL walk happily into the sunset. (And hey, if I’m wrong….go Cubs?)


Top 10 Reasons the Bulls Will Win It All

Number 10.... Tom Thibedeau has an impossible name. And any man with an impossible name can not be beat.
Number 9.... Chuck Norris jokes can be applied to Omer Asik as well.
Number 8.... Carlos Boozer is the best 'scream into the rim microphone 'player in the East. Make that world.
Number 7.... Kyle Korver's Beiber hair.
Number 6.... If Boozer fouls out, Taj Gibson fouls out, and Kurt Thomas fouls out, Stacey King will suit up wearing a jersey named 'hot sauce' and score points until victory is declared.
Number 5.... The United Center is on the West side.
Number 4.... Derrick Rose is from Englewood. Need I say more?
Number 3.... Keith Bogan's packs heat. Score on him once you get the evil eye. Score on him twice, you get "inadvertantly hurt." Score on him three times, you get a cap in your ass.
Number 2.... Derrick Rose once slam dunked a Volkswagon in 5th grade.
Number 1.... Joakim Noah's pony tail.

Matt Garza? Yes Please!

My very top secret inside sources tell me that the Cubs are very close to aquiring Matt Garza from the Tampa Rays.

"Cubs GM Jim Hendry is working feverishly to acquire Matt Garza from the Rays, according to Bruce Miles of the Daily Herald. The Cubs are getting set to send Chris Archer, Hak-Ju Lee, Brandon Guyer and Robinson Chirinos to Tampa Bay, according to Miles. There may be additional parts to the deal for each team."

I got two words to say to this. DO IT! If the Cubs can land Matt Garza I'll put their rotation up against anybody's in the NL Central. You gotta remember that Garza is comming from the AL East and has been facing the likes of the Yankees and Red Sox for the past few seasons. He would absolutely shred the NL apart. Chris Archer is a hell of a prospect to give up, but I'll be happy to trade away a prospect for an already established starting pitcher. Additionally, Garza is still young and isn't a free agent until after the 2014 season.
So here we are, the stars are aligned, the train has left the station, and yet something tells me Jim Hendry will ruin this. Even if he does miraculously land Garza, Hendry will probably end up slamming his pitching fingers in the limo door. Or perhaps he'll forget to sign the right paperwork, and end up accidentaly trading Garza to Japan's Hiroshima Carp baseball team. Well I must be going now. Stay tuned for updates. Or don't. I don't care. I just write this stuff because I like to practice typing.