Ozzie for Stanton? DO IT...DO IT NOW!

There’s been some talk about Mike Stanton (Florida Marlins) being sent to the White Sox in exchange for Ozzie Guillen. Ozzie would, of course, assume the role of team manager. If Kenny Williams has any type of brain matter remaining in his skull, he NEEDS to do this. Mike Stanton is probably one of the top 2 or 3 prospects in all of baseball. He’s already proven he’s got what it takes in the major leagues. Money certainly won’t be an issue. Stanton isn’t even arbitration eligible for another year or two. I’m not going to go on and on about this. It’s as simple as this: You’re getting a top prospect. Your shedding salary by dumping Ozzie. Kenny and Ozzie already have had enough of each other so why wait?!? Ozzie LIVES IN MIAMI. Ozzie’s contract is up after the 2011 season and probably won’t be back anyways. I can’t think of a single reason for this to NOT happen. It’s as if the Marlins are saying to the White Sox, “OK, we’ll trade you this $100 dollar bill for your crinkled up $1 bill.” They must know something about Stanton that the rest of us don’t, to want to dump him off to the White Sox. Maybe he has fake legs and the lease is up on them this December? Perhaps he’s suffering from Benjamin Button’s disease? Yea that must be it. He’s only 20 and is THIS talented. He has GOT to be reverse aging. Never mind everything else I wrote earlier. Don’t do it White Sox! You don’t want a 7 year playing outfield for you some time down the road.

Bulls/Thunder Qtr 4

8:33 in 4th-OKC 86 Bulls 85...too close for comfort. Again, Derrick just needs to take control and stamp his name on the NBA. No more fouls, swing the ball, find the open man. More importantly, WIN THIS DAMN GAME!!!!!
6:46- you could give Rosie O'donnell the ball and I don't think this game could get uglier.
3:55-I haven't seen a sloppier gyro at this point right now. No excuse. Let's friggen go!!!!!
2:00-It's over. Way to fold. Had this one and decided to eat a fart instead. Thanks for the letdown Bulls.OKC-100 91-Bulls.
0:00- Just cuz you're from Chicago doesn't mean you have to give up and lose on a 15-4 run. Leave that to the Bears. PLEASE!!! Thanks for nothin...jerks.

Bulls/Thunder Qtr 3

Timeout 6:30- Damnit Derrick. Layoff the fouls. Stopping Westbrook is key. Keep up tempo on offense without Derrick-4 fouls, and dominate boards, game is ours. Bulls-66 OKC-63 Luol Deng needs to step up with Derrick out in foul trouble.

Time for cold beer. Stay tuned.

End of third- 82-82. As I mentioned way earlier, Rose would have a 30+ game. He sat out most the 3rd and still is at 24. If Derrick can lay off the fouls in the 4th, and Noah can play like he's got a pair, this game is a W.

Bulls/Thunder 2nd Qtr

Timeout-Still too sloppy. Layoff the fouls. CJ Watson looks great. Loving Korver in there to threaten from the outside. Derrick needs to dominate Lebron Style. More offensive rebound needed. Need more aggressiveness out of Noah. 43-OKC 42-Bulls mid 2nd Qtr
2:48 in 2nd...great pressure on D. Good ball movement on offense. Joakim seems off. Can't put my finger on it. Keep the pressure on, and keep the crowd out of it. 50-49. Bulls with lead

Halftime...waaaaay too many fouls by Bulls. "Kill them" is a figure of speech in sports. Be aggressive, not stupid. Take balanced shots and STOP WESTBROOK! OKC-59 Bulls-54.

Bulls / Thunder

At first timeout- Bulls shooting 69%. Gibson playing like a vet. Rose scores at will. Durant is a tall freak of nature that can hit a field goal from anywhere he so chooses. Bulls 18 OKC 15

2nd timeout- Too many sloppy turnovers. Bulls need more offensive rebounds. Derrick needs to stay out of foul trouble and he'll put up 30+ tonight. Do not let their momentum and fans control the game.

End of first- need more offensive rebounds. Find a way to control Durant. No more sloppy play. Control the tempo. OKC-30 Bulls-25

Ozzie Guillen Back on FOX

Ozzie will be back on FOX this year alongside Eric Karros, and Chris Rose doing World Series analysis. I have a better idea. Why don't they put a goose in a duffle bag, slam it against the ground a few times, then put a microphone up to the bag to hear what kind of noises will be comming out? I'm sorry. That was mean. I've been trying my best to avoid all that ridiculous Cubs/Sox hatred, but lets be honest here. Ozzie isn't exactly 'easy listening'. If it's any consolation, I wouldn't want Lou Piniella doing any analysis either. It's like listening to a late stage alzheimer's sufferer trying to remember how to say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.


I know I typically should stick to Cubs, Sox, and Bulls on this page. But last night's epic collapse of the new "big three" is just too great of an opportunity to pass up. I was most impressed by the Heat's 9 total first quarter points. I think the one legged cross-eyed kid from 3rd grade was able to do that by himself. The schadenfreude that engulfed by body after that game sent me to bed with a smile, and woke me up with a smile. Hell, I even got up at 3 AM to take a pis with a smile. (Definition of Schadenfreude: Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.) If the Bulls manage to lose tonight, I can still take solice knowing the Heat lost their opener. Watching the disappointment take over their faces as Ray Allen hit the clutch 3 to seal the deal brought nothing but sheer utter joy to my soul. It was like watching Saddam Hussein get assassinated. Dwayne Wade looked like a lost puppy out there. And Bosh, oh my lawd, what a tag-a-long wannabe somebody. As much as I hate the backstabbing, ruthless prick, I still have to give Lebron some respect for taking over that game in the third. One down, ten to go, until my 95-96 Bulls can continue to reign as the greatest team ever assembled!!!

Thunder: Prepare to be Thunderstuck

4.5 billion years ago, planet Earth was formed. Six million years ago, the first man began walking on two legs. 2010 years ago, a God took human form. 236 years ago, the greatest nation in the world gained it's independence. 119 years ago, a game called basketball was first played. 26 years ago, a man named Michael, on a team called the Chicago Bulls, changed that game forever. And tonight my friends...tonight, those Chicago Bulls usher in a new era of basketball in attempt to restore the game to it's former glory. The path to puttting trophy number 7 in the glass case begins this evening when the Bulls thunderstrike the Oklahoma City Thunder. People say the Bulls will have to climb a mountain to overcome the Thunder tonight. The Bulls don't climb mountains. They plow through them with insurmountable force and glance back only to laugh. Kevin Durant? Russel Westbrook? Who gives a damn?!?! Only one name needs to be mentioned here. Derrick Rose.

Tipoff is at 7:00 PM CT. The nation will be watching on ESPN this evening.

Sleep Easy Children

The Bulls decided to pick up the club options on Derrick Rose, Taj Gibson, and James Johnson for the 2011-2012 season. I know many of you were frantic about this, but fear not. JJ is here to save the day for at least the next two years. Word on the street is that the Bulls tried to schedule a one hour special on ESPN entitled "The Decision" to make this anouncement. Unfortunately, they were informed by the network some other ballooned-ego toolbag has already done this. The network also mentioned they would rather air a one hour special on using maggot therapy to treat eye infection, than make that mistake again.

Love It.

Well here we are folks. No, not just another dreadful Monday. Here we are on the brink of the 2010-2011 NBA season. I just wanted to take another opportunity to stress how awesome the Bulls are going to be. People severly underestimate this team. Their youth, depth, and talent is top-notch. I'd like to thank the Chicago Bears for, at one point, going 4 and 1 and building a bridge to take me from baseball season to basketball.
The Bulls have until Nov 1st to decide if they want to pick up the 3rd year option on James Johnson. Johnson has not shown any value until this preseason. That said, who knows, he made become a valuable trading piece used to land the one more player the Bulls need to put them over the top. Vegas has the over/under on the total season wins at 46.5. This just goes to show how underrated they are. Vegas has the Bucks at 45.5. The Bulls are easily more than 1 win better than the Bucks. I'd say they are a 50+ win team. Just look at the teams in their division that they are going to destroy...Bucks, Pistons, Cavaliers, and Pacers. Consider the 4 seed a lock. Just wait till Boozer gets back. Then you'll really see how dominant the Bulls are going to be. I'm going to like this starting lineup...Rose, Boozer, Deng, Noah, Brewer. (Although, don't be surprised to see Korver starting along side Rose after a month or so.)

Side note: Miami is only favored by 1 to open the season in Boston. As much as I hate the Celtics, I'm praying for a blowout in Garden by the men in green. Get used to hearing about how much the Heat are hated by this guy. ::points 2 thumbs at self:: I haven't hated a team this much since the Knicks of the 90's. (No, I did not forget about you St. Louis Cardinals)

How do your tears taste Pacers?

What can I say? When you're good, your good. My Chicago Bulls covered the 7.5 spread as I clearly predicted below. Not only did they cover by 7.5, the onslaught finished at 102-74. For those of you still in preschool, that's a 28 point difference. And for those of you from Indiana, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I wasn't kidding about that ham sandwich thing. The only good thing to come out of Indiana is lake effect snow on Christmas eve. Yes I did!
You may be wondering why there is a picture of a ham sandwich above. Well, it's because this article is about the Pacers. And quite honestly, this ham sandwich itself is roughly 13 times cooler than the pacers. The spread for tonights game is Bulls at -7.5. THIS WILL COVER. I have scientific proof that I am right about this. Here are my findings....The Pacer's suck and I hate them. Sorry if I used too many technical words for you. Allow me to put this in layman's terms....THE PACER'S SUCK AND I HATE THEM; THEREFORE, WILL LOSE TO THE BULLS BY 8 OR MORE POINTS TONIGHT. The Bull's will be playing without a sick Joakim Noah, but that's ok. Kyle Korver will be back in the lineup, working his 3 point magic, after sitting out last game with a booboo on his ankle. I aplogize if I ruined the game for you by already giving away the ending, but science doesn't lie.

Omer Got Served.

What. The. Hell. Is. That?!?!?!? A technical foul?!?! For that?!? So what happens if you give the referee the finger? Does he pull out a double-barreled shotgun and blow your head off? I understand the NBA is cracking down on foul complaints. It's a great idea to stop 3 year olds like Kirk "I didn't do it" Hinrich from throwin temper tantrums, but this...this is just terrible. I will say, you've got to love Omer Asik's reaction. It was like a kid that spilled his milk at the dinner table and was anticipating the wrath of his father's backhand. I wonder if he cried at some point after the game. I hope that ref feels good about himself. What a Nancy. If I were Omer Asik, I would've turned around and screamed "Oh yeah? Technical foul this!". Then chuck the ball at his nut sack.

Hendry welcomes Sandberg back to Iowa. (Sort of)

Apparently Jimbo the Clown has welcomed Ryne Sandberg to remain the Triple-A Iowa manager. But of course, in typical Dungbag fashion, this was news to Ryne Sandburg.

""I was unaware that they wanted me back until I heard it from you," Sandberg said by phone Wednesday from his home in Phoenix. "I guess it is an option. I'm going to take my time and see what is out there.""

Do I even need to comment on this? Doesn't it all just go without saying? Hendry basically bribed Sandberg into managing the Single-A Cubs before the 2007 season. Sandberg called his bluff, took the job, and triumphently worked his way to the 2010 Pacific Coast League AAA manager of the year award. Hendry then proceeded to toy with Mr. Sandberg, all but convincing him the Cub manager job was his. Then, in the blink of an eye, yanks it all out from underneath him, only to leave a deflated backstabbed carcus floating in the water. Apparently, all is well in the world of Jim Hendry though. Because you see, he was gracious enough to reward Sandberg for his years of hard work by letting him know he can waste away back in the minors for as long as he so chooses. Now Jim (dungbag) Hendry of course didn't have the testerone levels in his system to inform Sandberg of this directly. He just leaked it through the media and allowed Sandberg to find out on his own. If I was Ryne Sandberg, I would pull a Tonya Harding on his ass. Just sayin...

Welcome to Chicago Melo'?

As many of you know, just a few short weeks ago trade talks were flying around involving the possibility of Carmelo Anthony coming to Chicago. The only way this appeared to be possible was with Joakim Noah being involved in any type of trade. Joakim is now locked up in a 5 year $60 million deal. So all possibility of Carmelo playing in the house of Jordan is gone by the wayside, right? Not exactly. According to ESPN...

"The source also cautioned that the Chicago Bulls remained in the Melo mix, although the contract extension Chicago reached earlier this month with Joakim Noah would preclude him from being included in any deal the Bulls would put together for Anthony."

This makes me smile. If Denver sends us Carmelo, they will also be sending us a guarenteed shot at the 2010-2011 championship. I was all against this trade when it involved Noah going away, but with Jo locked up, Gar Forman better find a way to pull the trigger on this one. I'd imagine it would involve a combination of Taj Gibson, (Luol Deng?), and a number of future draft picks. Imagine this potential starting lineup...Derrick Rose, Carmelo Anthony, Joakim Noah, Carlos Boozer, and Luol Deng. Holy Hell. I need to stop typing. I keep drooling onto my keyboard, and getting goosebumps in front of my coworkers is a bit awkward.

You'll Laugh. Trust Me.


WHY JIM WHY?!?!?!?

Jim Hendry (who no longer deserves to be called Jim Hendry. From this day forward I will only call him Dungbag) decided to follow through with my prophecy and not wait for Joe Girardi. A somber news conference will be held at 3 PM today to announce the hiring of Mike Quade as the next Cub's manager. He's been offered a 2 year deal with a 3rd year team option. It's nothing personal against Mike Quade. I'm fine with him as manager. But I'd be much more fine with World Series winner Joe Girardi. Just trying to drive home a point about what a waste of human flesh Dungbag really is. Soriano's contract, Zambrano's contract, Fukudome, MILTON-GODDAMN-BRADLEY, (to name a few!) AND NOW THIS?!?!?!?! Why Dungbag? Tell me why you could not wait!!! The Yankees are approaching the cusp of being eliminated. It's not like you're going to have to wait a month just to say "Hey Joe, you interested in the Cub job?" We might be talking 3 damn days here!!! Dungbad needs to lose his job and lose it fast!!!

Now that that is out of my system. Congratulations to Mike Quade. I think you're a great guy that will do fine with this young core the Cub's are ushering in. I wish you all the best. I'd say 'I hope you don't lose your hair over this job' but....Good luck Mike.

White Sox Hire Benny Binion Jr.

Sorry about the typo. Make that 'Pete Rose Jr.' The White sox have hired him to manage Rookie League-Bristol (Va.) of the Appalachian League. I guess this is refering to the Bristol Sox. (http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/index.jsp?sid=t557) So what does this mean for the White Sox? I'm willing to bet - not a whole lot. In fact, I bet that Rose Jr. will never manage in the big leagues. I guess it's just a gamble the White Sox are willing to take. But who knows? Maybe in a few years, this will be a decision that will pay off when the Kenny and Ozzie saga finally folds.
In case you were interested in Pete Rose Jr.'s potential Hall of Fame career...in 1997 in 16 plate appearances he compiled an astonishing .143 BA .250 OBP .143 SLG .393 OPS. to go along with 9 Strikeouts. In other words, don't bet the house on this thing working out.

In other White Sox news, Joey Cora is set to interview for the Milwaulkee Brewers managerial vacancy today. (Good luck beating out Bob Brenly...chump.)

Bulls Get Slaughtered.

Orlando Magic 105. Chicago Bulls 67.
No. My keyboard is not broken. No, I do not suffer from some sort of neurological disorder forcing me to type those numbers. You read them correctly. Orlando Magic 105, Chicago Bulls 67. I know it's preseason, but Christ on a cracker, that is heinous. I'm pretty sure by half time the entire roster was asking coach Thibodeau, "Can we be done now?!? Plllleeeaassee?!?!"...Like kids at the dinner table. I've seen better performance by wheel chair basketball teams. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come running out of the tunnel screaming "you just got punked!!!" at the Bulls bench. Or for the tards from college humor to be secretly wearing Kyle Korver and Omer Asik masks. Something, ANYTHING to debunk that horrific "performance." The good news is it could always be worse...I could be writing about the Bears right now.

Weekend Picks - Happy Friday

Bears -6 over Seattle. Last week Todd Collins threw 6 passes to his team, and 4 to the other. Yet somehow Da Bears still pulled out a victory. I believe this Sunday is a given.

NY Giants -10 over Detriot. Pretty sure Giants are back to good. Back to back spankings against the 4-1 Bears and 3-2 Texans should solidify this home game.

Cowboys/Vikings under 44.5. Two lifeless teams going nowhere in a hurry. Couple in Favre's "dead arm" (probably injured during freak sexting texting accident), with Dallas' ineffectivness. The under should be a lock.

Blackhawks/Columbus under 5.5. Because I said so.

Bulls -4 over Dallas Maverics. Do I need to give an explanation. Ok fine. Please refer to the Blackhawks/Columbus pick.

Squeeze it easy folks!

Jim Hendry is dumb. *Update*

All recent implications seem to suggest Jim “I-can-make-a-pb&j-sandwich-with-the-wrong-ingredients” Hendry is in a bit of a rush in finding the newest emperor of Cubdom. Most, if not all, sources seem to agree that the 3 finalists for the Cub’s managerial job have come down to Mike Quade, Ryne Sandberg, and Eric Wedge. Mike Quade has already shocked the North Side compiling a 23-12 record; seemingly proving his worth in his short tenure at the helm. Ryne Sandberg has managed the majority of the young guys this team will be utilizing in the near future. He's coached A, AA, and AAA ball, along with winning Pacific Coast League manager of the year last year. Also adding to his repertoire: 10 All-star selections, Hall of Famer, Cub legend, and familiarity with the organization unlike any other candidate. Eric Wedge seems like an outside shot, but he also apparently is one of the three (final?) candidates to have an interview with owner Tom Ricketts. A 2007 manager of the year winner, with out much else to add, makes it feel like a bad fit to the puzzle.

So now my question is this…Why not Joe Girardi? I wouldn’t expect Joe to leave the Yankees, but the possibility is there. Hendry seems so quick to jump the gun on this decision, because he wants to have a manager in place by the start of the winter meetings in November. Well Jim, do you actually expect Girardi to openly state he’s willing to come to the Cubs in the middle of the Yankee’s playoff run?!?!? How about you sit back for a few, see where Girardi stands when the season is over, AND THEEENNNNN make your decision. If Quade, Sandberg and Wedge don’t feel like waiting around to hear who the big winner is, than hell with em! They obviously didn’t want the job bad enough. This makes me wonder if Hendry sometimes eats his chicken raw, because he doesn’t want to wait for the grill to heat up.

Update- According to Chicagobreakingsports.com...
"Former Cleveland Indians manager Eric Wedge will reportedly take the same post with the Seattle Mariners, according to multiple reports. The Seattle Times and SI.com are both reporting the move. Wedge sat out of baseball this season after managing the Indians for nearly seven seasons and compiling a 561-573 record with the team."
Well then. I guess that takes care of that. Mr. Wedge has no idea the pain, suffering, and anguish he just saved himself from.

Who's winning East? I know who Lebron picks.

The obvious choice for most, if not all, common folk is Miami; followed closely by Boston, Orlando, and then a distant Bulls team. But for us non-common folk that know a thing or two about this Bulls team, and have actually followed them for more than just a drunken Friday night at Bourbon Street...we know the talent this team has. A lot of talented youth, with a little veteran experience sprinkled in, is usually a recipe for success....which is exactly what this team is. Long story short, I pick the a healthy Bulls team to make the Eastern Conference finals. Now, on to their opponent...

I'd be dumb as a Lohan to suggest that the Heat aren't going to be a good great team. Hell, they MAY even finish 73-9. Who knows. But what do they have? Three rottweilers surrounded by a number of chihuahua's. We've already witnessed this preseason what happens when one, if not two of them, go down. In addition to injuries these "Big Three" are going to have to rest at some point during a game, which tells me you are going to see a lot of 10 and 15 point leads quickly shrivel. Not to mention, who wants to set the over/under on when these three major ego's collide? In my opinion, the Bulls have some of the best depth in the league. There are really no sore spots on the team (no pun intended to Boozer's pinkie), and the chemistry already seems to taking shape. Omer Asik, Keith Bogans, C.J. Watson...3 players ALREADY making cases for starting positions - none of which were anticipated to be.

So am I saying the Bulls are better than the Heat? No. Well, well not exactly. (sometimes a pack of hyenas can take down an elephant) But I am saying it's going to be very interesting to see how that Heat team plays out. There are a lot more variables with that team. Moreso than with Chicago. And sometimes those variables can be your own worst enemy. Look how many times in baseball alone you expect a team to just dominate a division only to completely fall apart for whatever reason. (Cubs)

Tune in tomorrow for my weekend picks.